Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Bumps on ice

Where is Bump? You can see a tiny bit of Bump
sticking out to the right of my waist. What? It
was dark like a disco at the rink, lol!
I went ice-skating last night, with 19 weeks’ worth of bump sticking out loud and proud. You’re probably wondering: “Have you marinated your socks in LSD, psycho mommy?!”

It was a kooky, irresponsible thing to do. I’ve had everyone from doctors, to scowling hubby and concerned grannies telling me to Take It Easy. But those few moments gliding (wobbly) on the ice were like spending the day being massaged and scrubbed by those African mammas at Mangwanani Day Spa. Super-relaxing!

2am has become my suicide hour. I lie awake, with my hand on Bump, and my heart hammering in my chest in those pre-flutters of a full-blown panic attack. (Little known fact: I wrestled with an anxiety disorder in my mid-20s. Not the drama-queen-clutching-my-heaving-bosom variety, the hook-me-up-to-an-heart-monitor-I’m-losing-my-marbles-but-please-don’t-tell-anyone variety.)

The memories of those exhausting first weeks with a newborn are flooding back.

A part of me thinks that bringing Bump home from the hospital will be a snap. After all, Travis has all the needs that a very small baby has. I make 5 or 6 bottles a day. Spoon-feed him. Change nappies. Change clothes that have been vomited and drooled on. Bath him. Carry him from point A to B. Supervise all his movements and play-times.

So it’s almost like having twins, right? RIGHT?

Also on the 2am merry-go-round: do we have enough finances, is our townhouse big enough for four, isn’t it about time I started preparing a room for Bump, should we have a third child, was starting my own business the smartest/most selfish thing I’ve ever done, who should I nominate as Trav’s guardian in my will, and finally, is this it – is THIS really my Life?

It’s at this point that ice-skating while five months’ pregnant seemed like a golden ticket out of the murky waters of my psyche. And out there on the ice last night, I skated away from it all...

(I also got knocked over, and fell on my well-padded bottom HARD! Gasp.)

Moms, tell me this fretting is completely normal... I can understand a first-time mom worrying like this, but I thought a ordering a second baby came with a large helping of level-headedness?

6 comments:

  1. I am TOTALLY with you here! Although my anxiety seems to come and go throughout the day ... not just at 2, 3 or 4am :/

    IS this it?

    HOW will I love another baby?

    #2 had better be as cute as Luca or else there'll be trouble!

    OMG, am I a terrible mother for saying something like that?

    PASS THE CHUCKLES, I'M LOSING MY MIIIIIIIIIND!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Totally normal, and the preg hormones makes it sooo much worse! Good luck! :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. How will I love ANOTHER baby?

    Will it (sorry, he) be as cute as Luca? He'd better bloody be!

    OMG, I am a TERRIBLE mother for saying something like that!

    We NEED to have moved BEFORE this baby comes!

    I. Feel. Like. I'm. Having. A. Heart. Attack.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Okay, okay! Thank goodness this is normal... all the other second-time-around moms look like they have all their sh*t together. I also stress about loving Travis more... or loving Bump more... or not loving either of them enough. *deep breath*

    ReplyDelete
  5. Totally normal!
    I think second time was scarier than the first because I knew what I was in store for. Sleepless night, no social life, sleepless nights, incessant crying, sleepless night...you get the gist of it :)

    Looking back now all those fears were put to rest when I held my 2nd bundle of joy...yes there were sleepless nights etc but I managed and I was in love, with both my kids, just like you will be.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I nominated you for an award...it's on my blog.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for sharing, Lionheart readers. ROAR!